Day 352: Barrier? What Barrier?

Oh, this was supposed to be a barrier to keep me away from the electronics? I thought it was a climbing gym! My bad.

Days 351-352: Hello, There

Hello, you've reached the phone of Charlie Dean. I'm banging things on other things right now, or possibly pulling books off the shelves, or maybe eating dirt out of the plant. I might even be taking a few steps on my own feet! (And then falling over on my butt.) Please leave a message.

Just kidding! I'm here. What can I do for you?

Day 350: Going Places

Literally. And also figuratively.

Day 349-350: Where Do Dads Go?

Most mornings, my Dad puts on a funny helmet and leaves the house. I'm thinking, "a little overprotective, maybe, but okay, he wants to be safe. I get it." Turns out he's going on a bike ride, and that he's riding to some place called an office. This "office" was a mystery until the other day, when Mom and I went to visit. And here it is! I gotta say it's a little boring in there, so I'm not sure why he goes there so much. Other than this roll-y chair, there isn't anything fun to play with.

Days 347-348: Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everybody. I hope you're spending it with some people you love. I know I am!

Day 346: Dear Charlie

Dear Charlie-

When you and I started this blog, it was to introduce you to the world, and to introduce the world to you – this wonderful, beautiful, unbelievable living thing that arrived in your mom and my life in the last minutes of May 5, 2010. Over the year, it’s been a way to watch you grow up, and learn about this weird thing that happened to you – out of nowhere you just came to be – and change from a baby into a little boy who will some day be a bigger boy and then someday, unbelievably, a man. I thought that this would be a nice way for my family, and your mom’s family, to be a part of that even when they couldn’t be with us in person. And it worked. The only problem now is that no one will ever let me stop. Not that I want to.

The person who I think benefitted most from this was my mom, your Grandma Miles, a person you only knew for a tragically short time and who, sadly, you will never really remember. It falls on me then to help you know her. And thanks to this magical site I can, and will, one day turn this blog into a book that will sit on your shelf, and you and I will read it from time to time, and when you get to the page that we just passed, which was your love note to your grandmother, and then this one, I want you to stop and pay careful attention – to think about this warm and wonderful light that shone on you only briefly.

From the moment your Grandma Miles found out you’d be joining us in the world, she was ecstatic. At that point she’d been a grandmother for 20 years already, and had fallen head over heels in love with the role. She obsessed over and poured love upon first my sister’s children, and then my brother’s and then, finally, in 2010, my own child. You. She cried when I told you you’d be coming, and asked about you every day while you were growing inside your mom, and then cried again when you arrived and she couldn’t be there. She cried when she met you a few weeks later and then for most of the next year wanted only to talk about you when I spoke to her. What’s Charlie doing now? She’d ask and I’d say something stupid (but true) like “being cute” and she’d correctly stop me and say, “What does that mean?” “What is he doing?” She meant specifically – she wanted to know what you’d learned, no matter how small that seemed. As a mother of three, she knew how quickly things change and how one day you can be this helpless baby who just lies around looking cute and then suddenly you’re moving and making noises and picking up knowledge like an adorable, smiley sponge.

And when I got busy and didn’t call her for a week, and when her vision got worse and she had some health problems and had to give up her apartment for periods, she wasn’t able to see your blog, or read my emails and I think probably she woke up every day wondering what you were up to. I hope when she went to sleep it was with thoughts of you, because it’s impossible to be sad when you’re around – in person, or even just in mind. When she moved to a room in the Health Center, where they sent her for special care, she covered her bulletin board – every inch – in pictures of you.

Life is a great and confusing thing, and neither of us will ever understand why she left us so suddenly. She was a brave, strong woman who overcame hardships that even those of us closest to her can probably never truly imagine. She had to learn to walk twice — first, like you, as a baby, and then, later, as a 49-year-old woman with a body that wouldn’t cooperate. Problems fell into her path like junk from the back of a trash-filled pick-up and she swerved around them again and again, often with great effort, and no help from anyone else. She had been having a lot of trouble in her later life, her body failing her more and more, and every setback was harder for her, so when she got very sick, very quickly I think she just lacked the strength to fight. For the first and last time, she couldn’t swerve in time.

I hope, when you are having bad days, you’ll think about her. You can ask me to tell you stories about how she overcame problems far worse than anything you will ever face, I hope; stories I sometimes think of when I’m feeling defeated and it helps me realize that my problems are nothing in comparison.

We didn't know how bad things would get when you and your Mom and I went to visit her, two days before she left us so suddenly. We just wanted to cheer her up. And we did – thanks to you. One thing that makes me feel good, even now, so soon after she left, is that one of her last memories, on perhaps the last lucid day of her life, was of you were sitting at the end of her bed. “Oh, Charlie boy,” she said, because that’s what she called you. “I love you.”

Boy, did she love you.

Dad

Days 344-345: Who Needs a Smile?

Well, here you go!

I wasn't planning to write much this week, and I still might not, and it's possible I might still get a little sentimental - I'm just a baby after all, so this emotion stuff is very new to me! But for now, I thought you people out there could use a smile. Or two.

Day 343: Gone But Not Forgotten

Dear Grandma Miles. I don't totally understand why you left us, but I know that it was time to go. I want you to know that even though we didn't get very long to spend together, I loved every minute and I'll keep you in my heart forever. My Dad says we'll talk about you a lot. And I will take very good care of the bunny you sent me. I hope that you are having a nice peaceful sleep. I love you always.

Days 339-342: Happy Monday

Hi everybody. That's me and my dog friend Buddy. He's pretty nice, and doesn't mind really when I hit him with a stick. Which is good because I love to hit things with sticks. Especially things that make noise. Noise is the best.

I had a nice visit with Aunt Jenny, Uncle Conrad and Emma this weekend and a sad visit to see my Grandma Miles. She's very sick and I feel bad for her. Hopefully she gets better soon so I can thank her for the nice bunny she sent me.

Day 338: Brooklyn Gothic

Yesterday, Max came over and we sat for a painting.

Hey, Max, are those storm clouds over yonder on the horizon? We'd best send Pa to rustle the goats back into the barn.

Days 336-338: The Great Outdoors

I can see why people are always complaining about the cold. The warm is pretty nice. The other day I went for a bike ride --- okay, not really, but I did try on this helmet and go for a walk.

Say, I just noticed: 338 days is a lot of days! I'm old. A few more and it'll be time for college.

Day 335: Spring, Is That You?

Hey, this Spring thing is a-okay. Brown things are turning green and I don't have to wear a hat for any reason other than style. I could get used to this.

Day 334: Happy Sunday

I didn't mean for that last message to be so complain-y. I might be sick, but I'm not upset! How could I be? I hear it's going to be 74 degrees tomorrow!

Days 330-334: Unplanned Hiatus

Jeez, I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I didn't plan to take so many days off but there they went - vanished like a banana in my breakfast bowl. Certainly it doesn't help that I can't type, and am not allowed near the computer, so I have to depend on my dutiful assistant, who is not always available to cater to my every whim. I am considering dumping this assistant and outsourcing my needs to a firm in India. I'm hoping it won't come to that but my assistant should take notice that the matter is under consideration.

In happier news, the fever is gone. But in its place came a cold. Enough of this sickness! I have to hurry up and get well for my First Annual Birthday Slash Cinco De Mayo Fiesta, coming soon.

Day 329: But I'm Keeping My Chin Up

Because I'm me. I won't let a little fever ruin my (11 month) birthday after all. Though I might go to sleep a little early.

Day 329: Happy Birthday To Me

So, I probably don't need to remind you of this but today is my birthday - my 11 month birthday.

Happy (11 month) Birthday to me!

And what did I get for my birthday?

A fever.

Worst. Present. Ever.

Here's hoping 12 months is a little more awesome.

Days 326-328: Breaking Barriers

I may be only (almost) 11 months but I'm fully aware of what you people are up to. You didn't "rearrange" the furniture to give me more space to play. You did it to keep me away from some of those tantalizing toys -- the shiny, flashing, electronic things! And also all those books that I will someday enjoy pulling off your bookshelves. As you can see here, in these photos of me cracking your various defenses captured by your spy cameras, I will only be foiled for so long.

Day 325: Rock on, Man

I figured if I'm going to wear tie-dye, I may as well rock out on the keyboard. (I see that, Mom.)

Days 324-325: Laundry!

Doing laundry is fun. I get to make it dirty before it's washed, and then make a mess all over again when it's clean. I tell you what -- you can buy me all these cool plastic toys with motors and sounds but I'm just as happy to play with a pile of clothes, or a cardboard box, or a magazine - a sweet, delicious magazine.

Speaking of delicious foods, no one told me there were so many out there. Here I was thinking it was only bananas, and apples, and sweet potatoes. Then I had pretzels, and duck confit, and this week Thai red curry, and Indian chicken curry. All delicious! Hooray, food!